My god. How can it be only Friday.
I am in a stage of nervousness so advanced that I am finding it difficult to eat. In fact, the last time I was this nervous I was approaching the final exams for my masters degree, which had cost me two years of my life and approximately $100,000. The Irongirl has cost me a few nights of sleep and socializing and approximately $100 in entry fees. It's totally unreasonable that I should be this nervous.
I think part of it is that I haven't been in a race with an actual start line since I did the half marathon in Vermont in 2002. I mean, there have been a couple of things since then, but they're more on the order of "ride 60 miles for charity and get free lunch along the way". Not exactly high pressure. This race isn't that high pressure either, it's just that I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing.
I'm also having all these phantom dramas. So far in the last hour I have decided that I'm one or all of the following: Sick, injured, over-tired, suffering an iron deficiency and sunburned. Right after I convinced myself that I was, I usually forgot about it as soon as something else came up.
Then there is the gear to think about. Running a tri is not for the faint of heart, or those who are incapable of making lists. I'm not that faint of heart, but I do suck at lists. So far I have three of them, all with different items on them. I've finally resorted to throwing all those out and using the one Alice very kindly wrote out for me. Everything I own is now piled in the middle of my living room because I'm not entirely sure what should be considered "crucial" and what should be considered "Elizabeth panicking". I probably don't need to bring the entire vat of Accelerade powder drink mix. Or more than three cliff bars. But I don't KNOW that I don't need them. So they - for the moment, remain the middle of the living room.
Finally, the thought that kept me up until 1am last night were fears about my new shoes. I finally got speedplay pedals which is, as my brother says, like standing on ice. They are fantastic for my knee because they have so much float and they're reletively painless to get in an out of. However there are three problems: One the clip in/out mechanism is different; two, I am used to riding with mt bike shoes which have recessed cleats; and three, I have now broken the cardinal rule of racing -- "do not ever ever ever do anything new on race day." Visions of myself tripping in the transition area or going face down on the race course, locked to my bike, rolled through my head for an hour last night before I finally wretched myself away to think about transitions instead.
Thank god tomorrow is T-1 to the gun going off. I don't think I can take any more of this. Tonight I'm going for a splash in the pool and then heading to dinner to say goodbye to some friends who are moving. I feel selfish and self-involved that I would rather be home, meticulously arranging gear and counting cliff bars, but I have to remember that people will be a good distraction. Besides, I need to eat a lot of pasta and a dinner party provides the perfect excuse. Tonight I'm trying to get in bed by 10:30 and get a solid ten or eleven hours of sleep. Then up and pack the car for the drive out to registration. Then all I have to do is rack my bike, look at the transition area and dedicate the rest of the day to finding my family and calming the f- down.
My god I hope this nervousness gets better soon. Hopefully it will - I just want to get all the stuff out of the way - racked, ID'd, safety-checked, stamped -- all the stuff that has to happen - I just want it to happen so I know it's done and my sole responsibility is to breathe and show up at 5:00 am.
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